tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87121277784032795622024-02-19T12:21:44.497-05:00Just Want to Be a MomJoin me as I blog about my life and dealing with DH Diagnosis of Azoospermia, my Tube Removal,Our Journey through IVF, and Now Our Pregnancy!!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-20644565626986883572010-05-09T15:21:00.003-04:002010-05-09T15:23:49.404-04:00Mother's Day!I wish everyone who has been blessed a Happy Mother's Day. And I wish for all of you who are waiting patiently for those miracles that next year is the one for you. I am blessed for my son, but I know how hard it is to feel that it "should be you" and even though I am here today, I still feel like I don't belong. I feel like I am cheating.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-62716174823576966992010-04-14T23:51:00.006-04:002010-04-15T00:12:18.035-04:002 Months & Heartbroken<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUrUnpGhkcuTyUczus22Mk6US1u_p08nJJZZhpVDZ-e-JmCFHU41O6_dsTEQ_sZ7q91o3cb6hCyAMZ16A2Npy03Us6hKLi-3te37YL6i-0D1vAbhU9XD7sJaIDKEjNdaEP_OcC1pWPGY1/s1600/P1000479.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 325px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5460210919279927922" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUrUnpGhkcuTyUczus22Mk6US1u_p08nJJZZhpVDZ-e-JmCFHU41O6_dsTEQ_sZ7q91o3cb6hCyAMZ16A2Npy03Us6hKLi-3te37YL6i-0D1vAbhU9XD7sJaIDKEjNdaEP_OcC1pWPGY1/s320/P1000479.JPG" /></a><br /><div>I am sorry for all of you out there who have been following along that I have not posted in awhile (a month i guess already) but I have had a really hard month. Just 5 days after my baby Ryan turned 1 month my Dad died. I have been meaning to post this for awhile but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. If I did, then it would be real. I would have put it into words. I know that must sound silly because he has been gone now for just about a month and I went through the motions of everything (making the arrangements, the wake, the funeral) but I just wasn't ready to write it out there for the world to have it be definite. I miss him so much. I can't even describe how close we were. My Mom has lost her best friend and soul mate (they were married for 36 years) and can't bring herself to live in her home. She has been staying at my house and has decided to make it permanent. This is not the first death I have had to deal with. I have had the expected Grandparents times 3 and I lost my brother two years ago, but this is soooo different. This just feels so final. My parents were staying with us when it happened (they had no power and we did) I talked to him literally an hour before it happened. I still can't believe it. He had been sick but we all thought he was on the right track. He went to sleep and that was it. They believe he had a pulmonary embolism. I am just so THANKFUL that Ryan came early and he got to meet him. Obviously that is why he came early...someone upstairs had that planned out. I have a voicemail saved on my cell phone from my Dad where he is telling me that he Loves Me. I can't tell you how many times I have listened to it. Okay, I can't write anymore right now.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-48352640798428398622010-03-11T12:08:00.002-05:002010-03-11T12:11:01.837-05:00One Month Picture!!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePSnzuwHP7HLFXsnDO6c550ynr1QsA1prjBmlNbeAPD-7NEc4J7ixNlil_Km4XmnwMLhbywDEHC-2qfNASDLJ7xCZyHGwjcpPi5dIZHrD7mv2KXLVg5WKYE2QFlPB-jB_te8UgyMf446u/s1600-h/P1000350.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447424811100251714" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePSnzuwHP7HLFXsnDO6c550ynr1QsA1prjBmlNbeAPD-7NEc4J7ixNlil_Km4XmnwMLhbywDEHC-2qfNASDLJ7xCZyHGwjcpPi5dIZHrD7mv2KXLVg5WKYE2QFlPB-jB_te8UgyMf446u/s320/P1000350.JPG" /></a><br /><div>I still can't believe that my little man is here, let alone that he turned one month old yesterday 3/10/10!!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-45648333125567339222010-02-22T21:08:00.003-05:002010-02-22T21:12:01.563-05:00Baby Pic!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlc2T9GHiOGCzpNyVRVA75e3TQxhz81vS2yrIzKGKgoBPwlKLVPXG-YbA36DCKGiZj24r4tYmzneyloSBbtoq7NochmQ0iutqV5IdcvgAcwDZXE3-OEH_HtHQY7nvXR13EnqM-EOekug-0/s1600-h/P1000192.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441255202249031394" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlc2T9GHiOGCzpNyVRVA75e3TQxhz81vS2yrIzKGKgoBPwlKLVPXG-YbA36DCKGiZj24r4tYmzneyloSBbtoq7NochmQ0iutqV5IdcvgAcwDZXE3-OEH_HtHQY7nvXR13EnqM-EOekug-0/s320/P1000192.JPG" /></a>This is Ryan at 2 days old!!!! He is so serious....he is staring intently at me (don't mind my nose on the far right of the picture) And just look at all that hair!!! It's definitely true about heartburn=lots of hair.<br /><div></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-92078256593146130022010-02-11T23:05:00.003-05:002010-02-11T23:21:42.885-05:00Baby Has Arrived!!!Okay, so I'm going to make this quick, because I need to go to bed, But I had the Baby yesterday 2/10/10 in the middle of a blizzard in NJ. "HE "weighed in at 5lbs 10oz and 17 1/2 inches long and was born exactly at 10:12am. Yes, you heard me correctly, IT'S A BOY!!!!<br /><br />I was having really bad back spasms that started Monday afternoon. I was advised by my doctor to do whatever I had to do to keep comfortable, and because of my blood pressure issue, we had moved up the C-Section date from 3/4 to 2/20. He prescribed Tylenol with codeine for me and it only helped me to get sleep for about 4 hours that night. I woke up in tremendous pain and then starting cramping (contractions). I called the Dr. about 6 am and he told us to go directly to the hospital. The baby was fine, we were listening to the heartbeat but I was still having contractions. The baby had dropped some so they weren't sure what to do until they did an ultrasound and found blood in the placenta. They quickly decided it was time to deliver and literally 22 minutes later my beautiful baby Boy was born.<br /><br />I am in some discomfort, but it's not horrible. In fact, I have taken no pain meds except for Motrin and I have been up walking. Our baby is doing great, but he is in the Special Care Nursery because he was born early (week 35) and is considered preemie. He is also spitting up alot with each feeding and then sometimes after so they still have him on iv fluids. We are hopeful to have him in the regular nursery and therefore allowed in our room by tomorrow. Although we can go to him whenever, I still hate being apart from him. He is beautiful and I just can't explain how much love DH and I have for our son. He is truly our miracle baby (an angel sent from Heaven) and it finally feels like our family is complete. I will post pictures as soon as I can. But, for now I am going to rest. I am planning to be there for his 5:30am EST feeding. I am completely in awe of him every time I see him. He is ours and He is here and He is perfect!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-77319325993531212322010-02-03T23:58:00.002-05:002010-02-04T00:13:03.956-05:00Baby Shower!This past weekend was my Baby Shower! My Mom threw it for me and it was perfect. I am so Thankful and Blessed to have such wonderful Family and Friends. I was able to get all of my big ticket items i.e. pack n'play's, stroller, 2 car seats, swing and loads of cute little clothes and towels and diapers, etc. One thing my baby will have is plenty of outfits to wear on St. Patrick's Day! :0) I will definitely have to post pics. Instead of a wishing well, they had a book case fully decorated for the baby and everyone was asked to bring a book and write words of wisdom to me & DH / the baby. What a great idea!!! We now have loads of books and it was so much fun reading through the sweet thoughts from our dearest friends and family which will certainly be treasured forever. I cried hard core twice during the shower. Damn hormones!!! I don't know really what happened, but I was opening a gift that had these adorable booties on the outside of the box and I lost it. I just still can't believe that this is happening. I have only Just Wanted to Be a Mom and its REALLY HAPPENING!!! This is crazy. I am so happy and eager to meet my little miracle but also scared as Hell!! :0) I know its selfish, but I am mostly worried about the pain from the C-Section. Other than that I just can't wait to know if its a boy or girl and get on with the next stage. <br /><br />At my OB appt last week they found some more protein in my urine and sent me for another 24 collection. I am really becoming quite the pro! Anyways, I have my next appt tomorrow and will get the results then. Tomorrow is also the 28 day count down!!! Can you believe it? Only 4 weeks til our little one will be with us. I think I will definitely miss the feeling of my baby inside of me. Something that we share..just the two of us...but I know DH is dying to hold the baby and I know that we are both anxious to see their beautiful face!!! Hope all is well with everyone and its was so nice to meet some new people during ICLW and to have some new followers. I will try not to let you down and keep our story going. Fingers crossed my test went well and tomorrow the Dr. will tell me we are still on par for March 4, 2010.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-6187151456378444412010-01-21T13:55:00.002-05:002010-01-21T14:18:40.934-05:00ICLW & BED RESTWelcome all ICLW'ers!! My story is pretty straight forward (there is a time line on the right hand side). DH and I had been trying for over 2 years to get pregnant with no success. When we were tested for IF DH was diagnosed with azoospermia. He had the MESA procedure done and we found the swimmers!!! Before we started IVF I had the HSG done only to determine that one of my tubes was blocked!!! UGH!!! After my surgery we had to wait just about a month for recovery and then it was onto IVF. We were blessed to have it work the first time and although one of my two blastocysts that were implanted split into two and we thought for a short time we were going to have triplets, only one survived (our tiny miracle) who is due on March 4, 2010 via a C-Section. We do not know the sex of the baby, although DH swears it will be a girl (I think because he would love to have a son! :0) But we will just have to wait to find out. <br /><br />I have been also blessed, it seems, to experience every symptom/side effect of pregnancy. I had extremely bad morning sickness and was on medicine for almost all of my pregnancy. Actually until just recently. I was hospitalized with kidney stones, have heartburn (as soon as I am ready to go to bed :0)) And now I am experiencing high blood pressure which has caused me to be placed on half day bed rest. I am officially done working and out on disability. All of my blood work came back fine (THANK GOD!) and my 24 hour urine collection test (not fun btw) checking my protein levels also came back good. However, my blood pressure keeps roller coastering. i.e. yesterday morning it was 154/97 however this morning it was 131/83. They are hoping that with the bed rest it will keep under control. I am just Thankful that it is not preeclampsia. According to my OB, blood pressure starts to rise around 34 weeks so for me (which is next week) they are really going to monitor it and if it gets out of control anymore they will either medicate me or arrange to do the C-Section earlier.<br /><br />To all the ICLW participants: Welcome!!! I look forward to meeting all of you and Thank You in advance for stopping by!!!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-17787546444546019692010-01-13T10:25:00.003-05:002010-01-13T11:37:50.428-05:00Preeclampsia...REALLY???Just wanted to give everyone a quick update. DH and I went on our tour of the hospital which was fun. And there was one other woman in our group who is having a c-section so the tour guide was nice enough to explain to both of us in detail what to expect. I was very thankful for that. I still can't believe that this is happening so soon. 50 days and counting!!!!<br /><br />Now most of you are wondering about my title for this post. Well, they are testing me for preeclampsia. I have been going to my reg Dr. once a week for my back ever since my kidney stone. He performs slight adjustments and stretches to keep the back pain at a min. I had mentioned to him one of the weeks awhile back that my blood pressure was high that day at the OB so he started monitoring it as well. Well, this past Monday when I was with my reg Dr. (it is the week I don't go to the OB) he checked my pressure and it was way too high for his liking. (142/90) He did an urine sample to check for protein and it appears I have trace protein in my urine as well. (another sign of preeclampsia). He wanted me to call the OB first thing in the morning as he felt I should go to them sooner than next week. Of course, he was right. They wanted to see me right away.<br /><br />So, here is the deal....I am home today from work as I need to collect my urine for a full 24 hours and then take it to the lab. The OB says that when you do the quick sampling in the office the amount of protein can be skewed if I have had any water right before (which I did in both cases) their office and my reg doc the night before. In both cases it was just traces of protein which is a good sign, but my blood pressure is still relatively high. I was told to buy a blood pressure machine and take my pressure twice a day for the next two days. I then have to call in my numbers. I also went for blood work yesterday as they want to see what is going on with my kidneys I believe. I had been having a lot of swelling (in fact I have removed my wedding rings and replaced them with crappy rings from Kohls as they were way too tight and cutting off circulation). Apparently the heavy swelling is also another symptom. UGH!! Anyways, now we sit and wait and try to relax. Relax, yeah right!!!<br /><br />I am furious which is of course not helping my blood pressure. All I wanted to do was get pregnant and be a Mom and I feel like it has been nothing but craziness this whole pregnancy. I was sick as a dog, heartburn, kidney stones, back pain, and now this??? I know that I should be happy to just be able to experience this but c'mon! I just want something to go smoothly. Of course my hormones are out of control as well and I can fall off the wagon very quickly with my attitude. DH and I have been at each other's throats, well mainly me picking a fight with him. This is his very busy time at work and he has been coming home no earlier than 10pm every night and I am angry. I want him to be here with me keeping me calm and he can't be. And, I know that with this economy I should just be happy that he is working and has a stable and safe job but I am selfish and I need him. He is my rock. He makes me laugh and smile and feel like we can do anything together. And when he is not here and I am living in my own head, no good comes from it. I over analyze and panic. Not a good combination for a girl who is trying to keep her nerves at bay. <br /><br />Anyways, I did my pressure this morning and it was 131/87. And I have come to the conclusion that I don't drink enough during the day as my urine jug should have more in it by now. But, who am I, what do I know?<br /><br />As soon as I know what is going on I will post...who knows, maybe my little one will be here before originally planned!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-52120447128355401732009-12-24T11:38:00.002-05:002009-12-24T11:42:53.871-05:00Merry Christmas!!!<span style="color:#cc0000;">I don't know if I will be back on the computer after today for a few days so I just wanted to say,</span><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"></span><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;color:#009900;">MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!</span></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="left"><span style="color:#cc0000;">I hope everyone has a wonderful day and that they get everything they want from Santa and more!</span></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-72496153630668009542009-12-23T16:04:00.004-05:002009-12-23T16:51:58.714-05:00Results & C-SectionSo my sugar was excellent. It was 81. Thank God! I was very nervous about it because I have a bit of a sweet tooth, but all went well. And, as I mentioned in my last post, we set up the C-Section. The baby will be born March 4, 2010. The surgery is scheduled right now for 10am (we have to be there at 8:30am. It is crazy!!! I still can't believe it. DH is going to attempt to paint the nursery this weekend if he doesn't wind up having to work and the furniture is due to come in the first week in Jan. This is really happening. I am amazed everyday and so very Thankful that this is happening. <br /><br />We did the Baby Care class at the hospital and it was pretty informative. DH and I knew a lot of the information but it was still very interesting. I liked that they went over bottle feeding (as most likely that is what I will be doing) they showed a cheesy 1970's safety video and talked to us about what paperwork we would have to fill out at the hospital after the birth so that we would be prepared. They talked too about the safety precautions taken at the hospital so as to ensure that our babies are completely safe from abduction, which I very much liked. The people however in our class were absolute morons! :0) I say that as lovingly as possible. But it truly was amazing to me how some people just have no clue about babies at all. <br /><br />We are going for our tour of the hospital and labor & delivery unit on Jan 2, 2010. I can't wait for that too. I am so very excited. It's all too surreal for me. I am not going to lie, some days are very exciting and others leave me extremely fearful. It's going to be such a major change. Are we ready? Will we be good parents? Will we fail? Will I have enough patience? Will I go back to smoking? It's incredible how many thoughts go through my brain. lolMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-69235836159678009232009-12-16T14:02:00.003-05:002009-12-16T14:21:29.834-05:00Gluclose Tolerance Test & Baby Care Class & StressThis past Monday I went for my 1 hour GTT. It was nothing that I had anticipated. For some reason I thought that the drink was going to be thick and chalky and it was not at all. It was this tiny 10oz iced cold bottle of orange liquid. It really did not taste bad at all either. I would describe it as a bit sweeter but similar to the juice left at the bottom of a Flavor Ice. The hour went by very quickly, DH went with me to keep me company, and I have not heard the results yet. I am going with the theory of "NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS". <br /><br />Last night, DH and I went to our Baby Care Class at the hospital. I was really hoping to meet some couples, but that did not happen. Many of them were not our type of people and most kept to themselves. It was okay though. We ran through a lot of information in our 3 hour class. Everything from diaper changing, swaddling, safety, what forms we would get at the hospital, circumcision (which apparently with some insurance companies now is being deemed cosmetic surgery) Do you believe that? feeding, sleep habits, soothing the baby and what babies look like when they come out and when to be or not to be concerned. It was crazy. I was exhausted by the end. I am happy we went though, at the very least it was exciting to see the babies on the videos and learn some new things. <br /><br />I am not done Christmas shopping ( I am stressing about this slightly); Our dog has to go to the vet this weekend as the poor thing has an ear infection; I have to make 6 dozen cookies over the weekend for a cookie swap at work; I have two doctor appts on Monday and am also supposed to go look at locations for the Bridal Shower for my best friend's wedding next year on Monday and I still need to decorate my tree that has been up since December 4th with lights but no decorations. Oh and yes, did I forget to mention that this year we decided to move Christmas Eve celebrations from my parents house to our house? WTH were we thinking???? :0) My head feels like it might explode, not to mention that by the time I get home from work I am exhausted and don't want to do anything but lay on the couch with my achy feet up! Oh and I just remembered I need to call and make appts for a pediatrician and get my x-rays from the surgeon who did my back surgery to give to the OB so they know that I can have the epidural/spinal when I go for my C-Section. UGH!!!! Somehow, someway everything will get done, but for right now I am too tired to think about it.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-69096877760357811422009-12-10T11:22:00.003-05:002009-12-10T12:12:12.339-05:00A LONG TIME COMING UPDATE!So when I started this blog in the midst of despair and denial I searched frantically through the blogs trying to find anyone, someone who understood. Then I turned my sights on finding bloggers who had been through our situation and had made it through to the other side. I did find some, but with most of the "exact" situations the bloggers had stopped blogging. I was very disappointed as I wanted to hear all the good news. I wanted to hear about the babies and how pregnancy was and what to expect if I made it and was left with nothing. I mention this as I was talking to a friend of mine (IRL) and realized that that is exactly what I had done. I have no real reason for not writing except that I felt horrible writing about all the pregnancy stuff when most of you were still struggling. I may be a little crazy (pregnancy brain and all) but it finally hit me that maybe, just maybe, there were people out there looking at blogs and who had found mine and then, like me, was left in the dust. For those people, I AM SO SORRY! I AM HERE!! I have been reading along with most of my blog friends, just not updating. I am going to make a much better attempt from now on to blog, even if it is just a line or two.<br /><br />Okay, so here it goes. I am 26 weeks and 5 days pregnant. The doctors know the gender of the baby but DH and I decided a long time ago not to find out if it was only one baby and stuck to it, although I almost caved right before our scan. This made registering quite difficult as most items are very gender specific. And of course when I found things that I liked, i.e. with cute puppies on them they were mostly blue. C'mon! Can't girls like puppies too! :0) Anyways, we have ordered our nursery furniture which is due to arrive the first week of the new year. We have picked out paint for the nursery (2 colors actually) I have to put the samples on the walls and see which one I like best. But, they are both in the light green and light green mixed with blue color palate (appropriate for either sex). My DH is looking to have that done before the furniture arrives. I am fairly certain my shower will be in mid-late January. My Mom is throwing my shower, with the help of my sister-in-law and best friend. I am looking forward to it. At my last appointment the baby was doing great; the heartbeat was at 150. My iron is apparently a little low (not new for me) and the doctor put me on a once a day iron supplement. Which is gross! :0) Oh, and on Halloween I spent one night in the hospital with kidney stones! It was so painful and awful but the baby was just fine (my top priority of course). I am going to sign DH and I up for a trip to visit the Labor and Delivery Unit (although we were there on Halloween) but I would like an official trip and I am contemplating signing us up for the Infant Care Class. We have both been around lots and lots of babies so I am not concerned about it too much, but this way I figure we can be around and meet other couples who are expecting. Right now we are the only ones of our friends to be pregnant. Some have small children, some are due to get married next year and some are in just the beginning of relationships. <br /><br />We are having some difficulty with picking names. Another downfall of not knowing the gender! :0) We have picked out a few girls names (that seemed to be easy for us) but we are really struggling with boys names. I have always loved Aiden (I am a big fan of Jon & Kate Plus 8) and he was my favorite little man. But, it seems like everyone we know, who recently had a boy, named him Aiden. I don't want to jump on the popular name bandwagon, so I think I will have to give it up. Any suggestions?? We are more than appreciative. <br /><br />My final update is that we picked the date of our C-Section (well I should say MY C-Section)!!!! LOL Our Baby will be born March 4, 2010. We were given two dates to choose from, based on my doctor preference, and went with the 4th. You see, my birthday is May 4th, my Mom is June 4th, and one of my cousins is Nov 4th so it seemed only fitting to keep the Birthday 4's alive. It is very exciting and at the same time scary as hell! :0) I mean, this is really happening! Now there is an official end date. I hope everyone is well. And, I will be in touch soon!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-24880455508539309572009-10-15T12:05:00.002-04:002009-10-15T12:17:19.385-04:00Time Flies!So, I can't believe it's been over a month since my last post. Everything is pretty status <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">quo</span>. I am still having some morning sickness, which I have resigned to believe that I will have until this child comes out! :0) But, its okay. I have only gained a total of 9 pounds with this pregnancy (thank you for the sickness) and the doc says that I am right on schedule for weight gain. I really wouldn't care about the gain, but one of my best friends is getting married next June (just 3 short months after the baby is due) and I am the Maid of Honor and need to fit into my dress. :0) I have started to feel the baby move, which is incredible!!! The first few times the baby was hitting a nerve so it made me jolt. Very cute!!! DH and I have started looking at baby things. It was a bit overwhelming in Babies R' Us. How do I know what we need? Why is everything so expensive? Do I really need a car seat with air bags? :0) I am sure we will figure it out, one step at a time. I go for my 20 week scan Monday 10/26/09 where we can find out the sex, but we don't want to know. I was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">waivering</span> a bit, but have stuck my ground we will definitely not find out until the little one comes. Other than that, everything else is good. I don't know what to do about work though. DH and I had always said that I would stay home after the baby was born (financially we could do it), but I am having a hard time deciding if I won't pull my hair out without having a day or two to myself. Is that being selfish? What time off am I entitled to anyway? UGH I am sure that I am making this harder than it is! :0)Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-24215236886276256282009-09-05T13:16:00.002-04:002009-09-05T13:24:50.055-04:00NT Screen & Vivid DreamsSo, the test on Thursday went better than I could have ever expected. They did a scan of the baby (the first one I have had done outside my vagina!) And, it hurt a little (they press down some) but it was amazing. The baby had its arms behind its head like it was just relaxing by the pool! lol So cute!! The tech said everything looked great and she let us hear the heartbeat. It was 162bpm. The doctor came in and told me that originally our chance of Down's was 1 out of 700 due to my age but based off of what he saw with the ultrasound that it went up to 1 out of 1300 (something like that). I then had to have blood drawn which is no biggie and then they actually gave me a present. It was a weekly planner. Very cool. I have to go for more blood work towards the end of this month and then October 26, 2009 I go back to them for a Level 2 scan which is when they will check the fingers and toes and lips. Can't wait!!! We got a perfect profile picture of the baby. You can see its nose and arms and legs and big belly! So cute!!<br /><br />Side note: My morning sickness is starting to improve...not great but we are getting there. The newest symptom though is weird, vivid dreams? Does anyone or has anyone else had this before? <br />Oh yeah, and I know I keep promising to post pictures, but I will definitely try and make that our project for the weekend...I told you I have to have DH help!!! Happy Labor Day everyone!!!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-6798266056311132952009-09-01T12:57:00.003-04:002009-09-01T13:06:27.375-04:00The Duggars Strike Again!!!I can't believe it!! They announced this morning that they are expecting Baby 19!!!!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">WTH</span>!!!! They are going to be grandparents next month and then parents again in March. That is my Baby Month!!! :0) I was floored by this; I don't know why, but it makes me so angry!!!<br /><br />I haven't thrown up today!!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">WHOO</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">HOO</span>!!!!!!!!! (although I thought I might after hearing the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Duggar</span> news! =P) So far a good sign. I actually bought some maternity clothes yesterday. I tried on a pair of pants and started crying in the dressing room. I don't know what happened, I think it was just reality really setting in. My Mom just laughed and held me as the hormones took over! :0) I am really looking forward to seeing the baby again on Thursday. I will post after and let you all know how it went.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-21001423573809440422009-08-26T12:28:00.002-04:002009-08-26T13:02:22.119-04:00I Am Still HereI can't believe its been so long since my last post. I am sorry for not writing sooner I have really just felt<em> that</em> bad. My morning sickness has been awful even with the prescription the doctor gave me. Most days and nights I just bawl my eyes out! Mainly in frustration. Well, today was an exciting day though. I woke up not feeling sick and I was actually able to brush my teeth without gagging!!! YEAH!! I don't want to jinx it, but I am hoping that this is a sign of continued normalcy. I have been to the OB a couple of times and am still amazed every time I see the baby. I can't believe how much its grown!! It actually looks like a baby now! Although kind of a freaky baby with just eye sockets! :0) I will try and post a pic soon; I have to have DH help me. I got to hear the heartbeat at the last visit and that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. It was so fast! The doc said it sounded like a female heart! We shall see. I go for my NT on Sept 3. I really am not thrilled about the test, but def looking forward to seeing the baby again. I can't believe it...I will be 12 weeks on Saturday!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! =DMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-73322843973718870102009-07-30T10:34:00.002-04:002009-07-30T10:40:21.809-04:00The Verdict...Okay, so we went for our u/s on Tuesday and it appears that the RE "thinks" its a singleton pregnancy!!<br /><br />The baby grew so much in just one week...it's so cute! It looks like a peanut so that is its new name!! :0)<br /><br />The third sac was completely empty and the second sac had an embryonic pole but appeared to have no growth so that is why the RE said he "thinks". We are very happy! I am so excited. I actually got to see the heartbeat this time and still can't believe it. I kept looking at DH saying, "Do you see it? (even though he was looking right at it) and "Can you believe it?" With this huge smile on my face. I can't wait to go to the OB and see the baby again. I go for my first appt on August 17Th. <br />I am doing somewhat better with the morning sickness. It appears to really be bad at night now. And, I am exhausted!!! I have been in bed sound asleep by 10 every night. It is really getting me off track with my TV shows and giving my dvr a workout!!! :0)<br /><br />Thank you to everyone for your sweet words and support...I would be lost without you!!!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-41729696893873549002009-07-25T08:51:00.003-04:002009-07-25T09:23:44.403-04:00Morning Sickness is Horrific!!!!I went to bed Wednesday night feeling normal and my happy pregnant self, but woke up Thursday a whole new constantly nauseous person!! I can't handle this. This is crazy. I threw up twice Thursday morning and did not go to work. I have not thrown up since then, but just feel like I can at any given moment. It actually woke me up yesterday at 5:30am and my wonderful DH brought me dry toast and ginger ale in bed. I am dying. Between the heartburn and the nausea I don't know which one is worse. This has totally thrown me for a loop. I guess I didn't realize it could come on so fast without any warning. I don't know why this happens, but it is very cruel. There is nothing joyful about this at all!! :0(<br /><br />Okay, that was my vent, and now I can say that I do consider it a blessing. I know that by having it things are progressing somewhat normally. I just hope it doesn't stay around long! :0)<br /><br />Side note: I am 7 weeks today!!!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-76459149889983375172009-07-21T21:41:00.004-04:002009-07-21T21:49:26.248-04:00Drumroll Please............................So, it's official we are definitely pregnant! How many? We still don't know for sure! As is our "way" there is some drama. There is definitely one embryo with a heartbeat that we saw. Well, I should say DH saw, for some reason I didn't see it, but I digress. It appears that the second <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">blastocyst</span> that we transferred SPLIT!!!! There were two more sacs, but <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">unfortunately</span> none had an embryo in them. The RE wants me to come back next Tues for another u/s to see if there is any development. He did not sway us in either direction, he just said to stick to the facts. So here they are:<br /><br />1. We definitely have a Singleton pregnancy<br />2. The second <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">blastocyst</span> split and we could have twins or triplets!<br />3. The development of twins can be slow and it is still early on as I am only 6<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">wks</span> 3<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">dys</span> as of today<br /><br />HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />We are both super excited! I am thrilled to have fought the IF and won (at least so far)! We both feel blessed that it worked the first time and consider it a miracle. We know that we have control of nothing and feel that whatever is supposed to be, will be. So, for now, another week of waiting!!!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-39772289473779235562009-07-18T14:11:00.002-04:002009-07-18T14:18:29.313-04:00Torture!!!Holy Crap this wait is killing me!! I have been trying to hold off posting until the ultrasound, mainly because absolutely nothing is going on, but I just can't take it anymore. I am totally spazing out! I know, I know its only 3 days away but UGH!!!! I just want to know what is going on. I just want to make sure that all of this is not a dream. I am petrified that we will get there and they will say, "Oh so sorry, there is nothing!" My DH keeps yelling at me to be calm and to stay positive. He knows that everything is okay. I sorta do, but its hard with IF...always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wonder if I will ever feel safe with this pregnancy. I read a blog where the woman had bought her own Doppler to hear the baby at home. Do you think that that is too much?<br /><br />Anyways, I am reading along with everyone's blogs as best as I can. You are all in my prayers for whichever stage you are at. I will definitely update on Tuesday after the ultrasound. I still can't believe this is happening!!! :0)Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-49769582805183302942009-07-08T11:38:00.004-04:002009-07-08T11:43:38.722-04:00BETA #2<div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;">800 !!!!!</span></div><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">OMG</span>!!! I guess this is happening. I can't believe it!!! We are so happy!! As my DH said, "I AM OVER THE MOON!!" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">AHHHH</span>!!! </span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-size:130%;">The u/s is scheduled for 7/21/09. I can't wait to see how many are in there!! This is crazy!!!!!!!!</span></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-56439224687661887572009-07-06T11:46:00.002-04:002009-07-06T11:48:24.544-04:00Beta #1Nurse called...<span style="font-size:180%;">POSITIVE PREGNANCY</span> TEST....BETA # is...................<span style="font-size:180%;">314</span>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />I go back Wednesday morning to see if the numbers have doubled!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />WHOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-87158245206776830822009-06-27T19:08:00.003-04:002009-06-27T19:23:10.916-04:00Our 2 Blastocyst Miracles!!!Hey Everyone!<br />Sorry I haven't been on but I have been enjoying my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bed rest</span> and we unfortunately do not have a laptop. Well, yet anyways :0) When we arrived to the RE on Thursday, DH and I were taken into a room where I was instructed to get undress (bra could stay on) and put the gown and cap on. We were very confused as we had no update on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">embies</span>, so I turned to DH and said, "I guess we are doing this!" <br /><br />Moments after getting ready the doc comes in and says that we made the right decision; we had only two left but they had made it to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">blastocyst</span> stage. He handed us a picture of them...they really are precious, had us sigh some papers and asked DH to leave. "I am so excited!" was the last thing I said to DH as he left. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">layed</span> there feeling excited and nervous. It was not pleasant. I knew it would be somewhat painful, but first as it turns out my cervix was very tight. Then, the RE says, "Melissa, it's just not working out perfect and it needs to be perfect. I need to bring another nurse in to assist with a "pinching" tool. I am so sorry. I really am sorry this is going to hurt, but it must be perfect." Well, okay. I was still scared but happy that he wanted to get it just right. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">OMG</span>!!! The pain was awful. About 2 minutes in (which seemed like an eternity) I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">actually</span> almost yelled out FORGET IT! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!! and it was then that I heard my Mom in my ear telling me to BE STRONG! That is something she tells me all the time when I act like a child...when you have kids you will need to be the strong one. So, that is what I did. I imagined holding my baby in my arms and before I knew it, it was done. They double checked the catheter to make sure they were out, and removed all the tools. They told me I had to lay there for 30 minutes and then I could get dressed and go right home for my 48 hours of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">bed rest</span>. They allowed DH to come sit with me and the 30 minutes flew by!<br /><br />So, since Thursday I don't really feel pregnant :0) I still can't believe they are in there and I keep willing them to "STICK" around. I have had some minor cramping and lots of gas and some discharge. Sorry, too much information!!! :0) <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">LOL</span> But, I was wondering if that was normal? I have so many questions...i.e. is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">transferring</span> a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">blastocyst</span> a better chance of this working? How long until they implant? When should I feel pregnant or not (fingers crossed that is not the case) I go for my 1st beta 7/6/09. I can't wait...I am dying to know if they have made a home...my two tiny miracles.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-64552899870469952482009-06-24T14:54:00.002-04:002009-06-24T16:03:27.798-04:00Transfer??Okay, so it's been a <strong>really</strong><em> </em>hard couple of days. As per my previous post, I was waiting for a call back from the doctor's office to tell me what "strong" meant for my fertilized babies :0) They explained that the 5 were right where we wanted them to be cell count wise, but that they were not sure if I would transfer on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">tues</span> (3<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">dy</span>) or Thurs (5<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">dy</span>). She said if I had had 10 eggs she would know certainly it would be a 5<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dt</span> and if I only had 2 or 3 if would be a definite 3<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">dt</span>, but because I was on the cusp with 5 she was not sure and that she would call me at 7:30am Tuesday to tell me what to do. At exactly 7:25am she called to tell me that they had not grown as well as she was hoping and that the RE wanted me to come in and discuss our options. Oh, yeah did I tell you that I was completely freaking out and crying all day Monday?!?!?! It was so weird. I am not feeling negative, just over protective. <br /><br />So, DH and I go to see the RE who tells us that he recommends waiting for the 5<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dt</span> so that he can clearly pick out the strongest ones. Right now its just a crap shoot. As of Tuesday, we had 3 that were at 5 cell and 2 that were at 4 cell. They should have been at 6 and 8 cell...so they were a little behind. My Mom made me laugh cause she said that of course they were lazy, they were mine. And, she also joked that there is always drama surrounding everything we do, why wouldn't our kids be the same way! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">LOL</span> That made me laugh. She is so funny. But, anyway, the RE said that that was his recommendation but we had to understand that the consequence could be that none would survive til Thursday. UGH!!! He gave us the option of being aggressive and putting all 5 in yesterday, or just 4 or just 3 or just 2, but said that he wouldn't be able to give us any sort of success rates or really any info because he just does not know. We decided after deliberation to wait til Thursday. So, we go tomorrow for the transfer at 10:15am. The RE told me that they will not look at them until Thursday morning so as to not stress them out anymore. So, we shall see what happens when we get there. This is insane!!! It is amazing to me how fragile life is....day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8712127778403279562.post-82604114336403981032009-06-22T13:39:00.002-04:002009-06-22T13:49:33.037-04:00Retrieval Results!I am sorry I haven't written sooner, but I wanted to have some information to provide. And I am sure all of you have been waiting patiently to hear my measly little story, but anyways, the RE retrieved 16 eggs on Saturday. I was thrilled to the gills as they originally said they saw anywhere between 6 and 15 and we got one more!!! :0) I just heard from the doctors office this morning with our case update and it is as follows:<br /><div align="left"> </div><div align="center">16 Eggs to start</div><div align="center">9 Matured</div><div align="center">6 Fertilized</div><div align="center">5 Strong as of this morning</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="left">They are not sure yet if they want to do a 3day transfer tomorrow or a 5day on Thursday. Right now I am tentatively scheduled to go tomorrow around 9am. The doctor will call me at 7:30am to tell me the consensus. </div><div align="left"><br />I am super thrilled but at the same time I am panicked! I am feeling this overwhelming motherly instinct and all I want to do is go to the office and cuddle them and tell them to be strong and hang in there and that Mommy and Daddy are waiting for them and praying for them. I want to get them in me so that I can protect them and nurture them. I know it must sound <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">absolutely</span> insane, but that is how I feel. I keep crying on and off because I can't believe this. I can't believe how fragile life is..minute by minute, hour by hour. I forgot to ask the doctor what "strong" meant for the remaining 5. I placed a call and left a message to hopefully get some grading numbers/cell counts. I will let you know as I know. So, here we go again...we wait!!!! I am <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">freaking</span> out now, I can only imagine how the 2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ww</span> will be.</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07638222440854417690noreply@blogger.com6