OMG...2 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!

Okay, so we are only 2 days away from the day that will decide our fate for the next few months (or year if we are lucky). I would like to say that I have been handling the anxiousness and stress with grace, but I am definitely losing my mind. UGH! I am scared and excited and scared. What if there is nothing and we have to wait again and do TESE in 3 months? What if they find only 2 sperm? What if they find a lot and here we go into the world of IVF? I am soooo all over the board. I am afraid of how I will react if it is not good. I think DH has that same fear. I am trying to stay as positive as possible. And of course, DH like most men is trying to be the realist and that is killing me. Just think positive damn you!! Imagine what you want and it will be..isn't that the theme of the book "The Secret"? I mean c'mon its not weird that I look in one of our spare rooms that we have decided will be the nursery one day and imagine where the crib will be and the rocking chair, right? LOL I just want this to be it. I don't want to continue wondering about all of the what ifs. I just want there to be viable sperm so we can get going and be parents by next year. I want to be able to say, "Shew..that was one hell of a roller coaster for the last few months and now we can move forward...Thank You GOD!"

My Mom will be coming with us to the hospital on Wednesday which I am very Thankful for. She is just as nervous as I am I think, and she really wanted to be there. I am glad to have someone sit with me while I wait. Even though we will both be feeling the stress at least we will have each other. :0) I am very lucky to have my Mom. She is truly my best friend. Yes, there are times that we don't get along but overall I would be LOST without her. I don't think that I really have ever told her that, I should; I WILL. Trust me, I feel the same about my Daddy too. But, its just different. My Mom and I have a special bond. I talk to her every single day at least once a day. I look forward to having that same relationship one day with my little girl/boy. With some continued positiveness we might have the good news in just 2 days. Oh god, I don't know if I am going to make it. I keep trying to tell myself that the result has already been written in the stars. I have no control over it. I think that is what is driving both DH and I nuts. It will be what it will be and we will have to deal with whatever comes. That sucks!! That is probably the worst part of this...the lack of control. I promise to post as things occur and I Thank all of you for your warm wishes and prayers.