Preeclampsia...REALLY???

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update. DH and I went on our tour of the hospital which was fun. And there was one other woman in our group who is having a c-section so the tour guide was nice enough to explain to both of us in detail what to expect. I was very thankful for that. I still can't believe that this is happening so soon. 50 days and counting!!!!

Now most of you are wondering about my title for this post. Well, they are testing me for preeclampsia. I have been going to my reg Dr. once a week for my back ever since my kidney stone. He performs slight adjustments and stretches to keep the back pain at a min. I had mentioned to him one of the weeks awhile back that my blood pressure was high that day at the OB so he started monitoring it as well. Well, this past Monday when I was with my reg Dr. (it is the week I don't go to the OB) he checked my pressure and it was way too high for his liking. (142/90) He did an urine sample to check for protein and it appears I have trace protein in my urine as well. (another sign of preeclampsia). He wanted me to call the OB first thing in the morning as he felt I should go to them sooner than next week. Of course, he was right. They wanted to see me right away.

So, here is the deal....I am home today from work as I need to collect my urine for a full 24 hours and then take it to the lab. The OB says that when you do the quick sampling in the office the amount of protein can be skewed if I have had any water right before (which I did in both cases) their office and my reg doc the night before. In both cases it was just traces of protein which is a good sign, but my blood pressure is still relatively high. I was told to buy a blood pressure machine and take my pressure twice a day for the next two days. I then have to call in my numbers. I also went for blood work yesterday as they want to see what is going on with my kidneys I believe. I had been having a lot of swelling (in fact I have removed my wedding rings and replaced them with crappy rings from Kohls as they were way too tight and cutting off circulation). Apparently the heavy swelling is also another symptom. UGH!! Anyways, now we sit and wait and try to relax. Relax, yeah right!!!

I am furious which is of course not helping my blood pressure. All I wanted to do was get pregnant and be a Mom and I feel like it has been nothing but craziness this whole pregnancy. I was sick as a dog, heartburn, kidney stones, back pain, and now this??? I know that I should be happy to just be able to experience this but c'mon! I just want something to go smoothly. Of course my hormones are out of control as well and I can fall off the wagon very quickly with my attitude. DH and I have been at each other's throats, well mainly me picking a fight with him. This is his very busy time at work and he has been coming home no earlier than 10pm every night and I am angry. I want him to be here with me keeping me calm and he can't be. And, I know that with this economy I should just be happy that he is working and has a stable and safe job but I am selfish and I need him. He is my rock. He makes me laugh and smile and feel like we can do anything together. And when he is not here and I am living in my own head, no good comes from it. I over analyze and panic. Not a good combination for a girl who is trying to keep her nerves at bay.

Anyways, I did my pressure this morning and it was 131/87. And I have come to the conclusion that I don't drink enough during the day as my urine jug should have more in it by now. But, who am I, what do I know?

As soon as I know what is going on I will post...who knows, maybe my little one will be here before originally planned!

Day 7 of No Smoking...YEAH!

I wanted just to post an update on my life. Today is Day 7 of the no smoking (quit cold turkey) process. I am doing quite well with it. I had a bad time over this past weekend, but successfully made it through. It is so ridiculous how they take over your life. I swear if I could go back in time and never start I would. Now, granted I haven't had any alcohol, but I decided that I would have to give up both anyway to have a baby so better to start now rather than later. I have no news with IF stuff except that my surgery is still on track for March 20. I am super excited. I just want to get it going.

I have been very hormonal lately too. I don't know if its the stress of over-thinking everything, but I find myself getting very angry at DH way too often. I do apologize after the fact but I feel like I am almost a ticking time bomb...one false move or sentence and I may explode! He came home late the other night from work and I told him that if he didn't start coming home sooner I wouldn't have his children. I know, I don't know where it came from. I just had all these visions of me by myself until 8pm or later with the baby/babies with him off at work. Then I was yelling at him that although we are even now with surgeries (or will be soon) that I still had the raw end of the deal with having to do the shots and ER and ET and then the actually pregnancy. And, trust me I am not complaining because I want NOTHING more than to become a mom, but it just feels like sometimes I am going at this alone. I feel like such a horrible person to even feel this way, but I am scared and anxious and still feeling the grief I suppose of our IF. Will it ever go away? I guess I just needed to vent. I am going to my therapist tonight, maybe he can help me relax. Although, I feel like I keep telling him this all the time and he gives me suggestions and I still fall off the emotional band wagon.

OMG...2 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!

Okay, so we are only 2 days away from the day that will decide our fate for the next few months (or year if we are lucky). I would like to say that I have been handling the anxiousness and stress with grace, but I am definitely losing my mind. UGH! I am scared and excited and scared. What if there is nothing and we have to wait again and do TESE in 3 months? What if they find only 2 sperm? What if they find a lot and here we go into the world of IVF? I am soooo all over the board. I am afraid of how I will react if it is not good. I think DH has that same fear. I am trying to stay as positive as possible. And of course, DH like most men is trying to be the realist and that is killing me. Just think positive damn you!! Imagine what you want and it will be..isn't that the theme of the book "The Secret"? I mean c'mon its not weird that I look in one of our spare rooms that we have decided will be the nursery one day and imagine where the crib will be and the rocking chair, right? LOL I just want this to be it. I don't want to continue wondering about all of the what ifs. I just want there to be viable sperm so we can get going and be parents by next year. I want to be able to say, "Shew..that was one hell of a roller coaster for the last few months and now we can move forward...Thank You GOD!"

My Mom will be coming with us to the hospital on Wednesday which I am very Thankful for. She is just as nervous as I am I think, and she really wanted to be there. I am glad to have someone sit with me while I wait. Even though we will both be feeling the stress at least we will have each other. :0) I am very lucky to have my Mom. She is truly my best friend. Yes, there are times that we don't get along but overall I would be LOST without her. I don't think that I really have ever told her that, I should; I WILL. Trust me, I feel the same about my Daddy too. But, its just different. My Mom and I have a special bond. I talk to her every single day at least once a day. I look forward to having that same relationship one day with my little girl/boy. With some continued positiveness we might have the good news in just 2 days. Oh god, I don't know if I am going to make it. I keep trying to tell myself that the result has already been written in the stars. I have no control over it. I think that is what is driving both DH and I nuts. It will be what it will be and we will have to deal with whatever comes. That sucks!! That is probably the worst part of this...the lack of control. I promise to post as things occur and I Thank all of you for your warm wishes and prayers.