Mother's Day!

I wish everyone who has been blessed a Happy Mother's Day. And I wish for all of you who are waiting patiently for those miracles that next year is the one for you. I am blessed for my son, but I know how hard it is to feel that it "should be you" and even though I am here today, I still feel like I don't belong. I feel like I am cheating.

2 Months & Heartbroken

I am sorry for all of you out there who have been following along that I have not posted in awhile (a month i guess already) but I have had a really hard month. Just 5 days after my baby Ryan turned 1 month my Dad died. I have been meaning to post this for awhile but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. If I did, then it would be real. I would have put it into words. I know that must sound silly because he has been gone now for just about a month and I went through the motions of everything (making the arrangements, the wake, the funeral) but I just wasn't ready to write it out there for the world to have it be definite. I miss him so much. I can't even describe how close we were. My Mom has lost her best friend and soul mate (they were married for 36 years) and can't bring herself to live in her home. She has been staying at my house and has decided to make it permanent. This is not the first death I have had to deal with. I have had the expected Grandparents times 3 and I lost my brother two years ago, but this is soooo different. This just feels so final. My parents were staying with us when it happened (they had no power and we did) I talked to him literally an hour before it happened. I still can't believe it. He had been sick but we all thought he was on the right track. He went to sleep and that was it. They believe he had a pulmonary embolism. I am just so THANKFUL that Ryan came early and he got to meet him. Obviously that is why he came early...someone upstairs had that planned out. I have a voicemail saved on my cell phone from my Dad where he is telling me that he Loves Me. I can't tell you how many times I have listened to it. Okay, I can't write anymore right now.

One Month Picture!!!

I still can't believe that my little man is here, let alone that he turned one month old yesterday 3/10/10!!

Baby Pic!!

This is Ryan at 2 days old!!!! He is so serious....he is staring intently at me (don't mind my nose on the far right of the picture) And just look at all that hair!!! It's definitely true about heartburn=lots of hair.

Baby Has Arrived!!!

Okay, so I'm going to make this quick, because I need to go to bed, But I had the Baby yesterday 2/10/10 in the middle of a blizzard in NJ. "HE "weighed in at 5lbs 10oz and 17 1/2 inches long and was born exactly at 10:12am. Yes, you heard me correctly, IT'S A BOY!!!!

I was having really bad back spasms that started Monday afternoon. I was advised by my doctor to do whatever I had to do to keep comfortable, and because of my blood pressure issue, we had moved up the C-Section date from 3/4 to 2/20. He prescribed Tylenol with codeine for me and it only helped me to get sleep for about 4 hours that night. I woke up in tremendous pain and then starting cramping (contractions). I called the Dr. about 6 am and he told us to go directly to the hospital. The baby was fine, we were listening to the heartbeat but I was still having contractions. The baby had dropped some so they weren't sure what to do until they did an ultrasound and found blood in the placenta. They quickly decided it was time to deliver and literally 22 minutes later my beautiful baby Boy was born.

I am in some discomfort, but it's not horrible. In fact, I have taken no pain meds except for Motrin and I have been up walking. Our baby is doing great, but he is in the Special Care Nursery because he was born early (week 35) and is considered preemie. He is also spitting up alot with each feeding and then sometimes after so they still have him on iv fluids. We are hopeful to have him in the regular nursery and therefore allowed in our room by tomorrow. Although we can go to him whenever, I still hate being apart from him. He is beautiful and I just can't explain how much love DH and I have for our son. He is truly our miracle baby (an angel sent from Heaven) and it finally feels like our family is complete. I will post pictures as soon as I can. But, for now I am going to rest. I am planning to be there for his 5:30am EST feeding. I am completely in awe of him every time I see him. He is ours and He is here and He is perfect!

Baby Shower!

This past weekend was my Baby Shower! My Mom threw it for me and it was perfect. I am so Thankful and Blessed to have such wonderful Family and Friends. I was able to get all of my big ticket items i.e. pack n'play's, stroller, 2 car seats, swing and loads of cute little clothes and towels and diapers, etc. One thing my baby will have is plenty of outfits to wear on St. Patrick's Day! :0) I will definitely have to post pics. Instead of a wishing well, they had a book case fully decorated for the baby and everyone was asked to bring a book and write words of wisdom to me & DH / the baby. What a great idea!!! We now have loads of books and it was so much fun reading through the sweet thoughts from our dearest friends and family which will certainly be treasured forever. I cried hard core twice during the shower. Damn hormones!!! I don't know really what happened, but I was opening a gift that had these adorable booties on the outside of the box and I lost it. I just still can't believe that this is happening. I have only Just Wanted to Be a Mom and its REALLY HAPPENING!!! This is crazy. I am so happy and eager to meet my little miracle but also scared as Hell!! :0) I know its selfish, but I am mostly worried about the pain from the C-Section. Other than that I just can't wait to know if its a boy or girl and get on with the next stage.

At my OB appt last week they found some more protein in my urine and sent me for another 24 collection. I am really becoming quite the pro! Anyways, I have my next appt tomorrow and will get the results then. Tomorrow is also the 28 day count down!!! Can you believe it? Only 4 weeks til our little one will be with us. I think I will definitely miss the feeling of my baby inside of me. Something that we share..just the two of us...but I know DH is dying to hold the baby and I know that we are both anxious to see their beautiful face!!! Hope all is well with everyone and its was so nice to meet some new people during ICLW and to have some new followers. I will try not to let you down and keep our story going. Fingers crossed my test went well and tomorrow the Dr. will tell me we are still on par for March 4, 2010.

ICLW & BED REST

Welcome all ICLW'ers!! My story is pretty straight forward (there is a time line on the right hand side). DH and I had been trying for over 2 years to get pregnant with no success. When we were tested for IF DH was diagnosed with azoospermia. He had the MESA procedure done and we found the swimmers!!! Before we started IVF I had the HSG done only to determine that one of my tubes was blocked!!! UGH!!! After my surgery we had to wait just about a month for recovery and then it was onto IVF. We were blessed to have it work the first time and although one of my two blastocysts that were implanted split into two and we thought for a short time we were going to have triplets, only one survived (our tiny miracle) who is due on March 4, 2010 via a C-Section. We do not know the sex of the baby, although DH swears it will be a girl (I think because he would love to have a son! :0) But we will just have to wait to find out.

I have been also blessed, it seems, to experience every symptom/side effect of pregnancy. I had extremely bad morning sickness and was on medicine for almost all of my pregnancy. Actually until just recently. I was hospitalized with kidney stones, have heartburn (as soon as I am ready to go to bed :0)) And now I am experiencing high blood pressure which has caused me to be placed on half day bed rest. I am officially done working and out on disability. All of my blood work came back fine (THANK GOD!) and my 24 hour urine collection test (not fun btw) checking my protein levels also came back good. However, my blood pressure keeps roller coastering. i.e. yesterday morning it was 154/97 however this morning it was 131/83. They are hoping that with the bed rest it will keep under control. I am just Thankful that it is not preeclampsia. According to my OB, blood pressure starts to rise around 34 weeks so for me (which is next week) they are really going to monitor it and if it gets out of control anymore they will either medicate me or arrange to do the C-Section earlier.

To all the ICLW participants: Welcome!!! I look forward to meeting all of you and Thank You in advance for stopping by!!!

Preeclampsia...REALLY???

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update. DH and I went on our tour of the hospital which was fun. And there was one other woman in our group who is having a c-section so the tour guide was nice enough to explain to both of us in detail what to expect. I was very thankful for that. I still can't believe that this is happening so soon. 50 days and counting!!!!

Now most of you are wondering about my title for this post. Well, they are testing me for preeclampsia. I have been going to my reg Dr. once a week for my back ever since my kidney stone. He performs slight adjustments and stretches to keep the back pain at a min. I had mentioned to him one of the weeks awhile back that my blood pressure was high that day at the OB so he started monitoring it as well. Well, this past Monday when I was with my reg Dr. (it is the week I don't go to the OB) he checked my pressure and it was way too high for his liking. (142/90) He did an urine sample to check for protein and it appears I have trace protein in my urine as well. (another sign of preeclampsia). He wanted me to call the OB first thing in the morning as he felt I should go to them sooner than next week. Of course, he was right. They wanted to see me right away.

So, here is the deal....I am home today from work as I need to collect my urine for a full 24 hours and then take it to the lab. The OB says that when you do the quick sampling in the office the amount of protein can be skewed if I have had any water right before (which I did in both cases) their office and my reg doc the night before. In both cases it was just traces of protein which is a good sign, but my blood pressure is still relatively high. I was told to buy a blood pressure machine and take my pressure twice a day for the next two days. I then have to call in my numbers. I also went for blood work yesterday as they want to see what is going on with my kidneys I believe. I had been having a lot of swelling (in fact I have removed my wedding rings and replaced them with crappy rings from Kohls as they were way too tight and cutting off circulation). Apparently the heavy swelling is also another symptom. UGH!! Anyways, now we sit and wait and try to relax. Relax, yeah right!!!

I am furious which is of course not helping my blood pressure. All I wanted to do was get pregnant and be a Mom and I feel like it has been nothing but craziness this whole pregnancy. I was sick as a dog, heartburn, kidney stones, back pain, and now this??? I know that I should be happy to just be able to experience this but c'mon! I just want something to go smoothly. Of course my hormones are out of control as well and I can fall off the wagon very quickly with my attitude. DH and I have been at each other's throats, well mainly me picking a fight with him. This is his very busy time at work and he has been coming home no earlier than 10pm every night and I am angry. I want him to be here with me keeping me calm and he can't be. And, I know that with this economy I should just be happy that he is working and has a stable and safe job but I am selfish and I need him. He is my rock. He makes me laugh and smile and feel like we can do anything together. And when he is not here and I am living in my own head, no good comes from it. I over analyze and panic. Not a good combination for a girl who is trying to keep her nerves at bay.

Anyways, I did my pressure this morning and it was 131/87. And I have come to the conclusion that I don't drink enough during the day as my urine jug should have more in it by now. But, who am I, what do I know?

As soon as I know what is going on I will post...who knows, maybe my little one will be here before originally planned!