Saturday, June 27, 2009

Our 2 Blastocyst Miracles!!!

Hey Everyone!
Sorry I haven't been on but I have been enjoying my bed rest and we unfortunately do not have a laptop. Well, yet anyways :0) When we arrived to the RE on Thursday, DH and I were taken into a room where I was instructed to get undress (bra could stay on) and put the gown and cap on. We were very confused as we had no update on the embies, so I turned to DH and said, "I guess we are doing this!"

Moments after getting ready the doc comes in and says that we made the right decision; we had only two left but they had made it to the blastocyst stage. He handed us a picture of them...they really are precious, had us sigh some papers and asked DH to leave. "I am so excited!" was the last thing I said to DH as he left. I layed there feeling excited and nervous. It was not pleasant. I knew it would be somewhat painful, but first as it turns out my cervix was very tight. Then, the RE says, "Melissa, it's just not working out perfect and it needs to be perfect. I need to bring another nurse in to assist with a "pinching" tool. I am so sorry. I really am sorry this is going to hurt, but it must be perfect." Well, okay. I was still scared but happy that he wanted to get it just right. OMG!!! The pain was awful. About 2 minutes in (which seemed like an eternity) I actually almost yelled out FORGET IT! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!! and it was then that I heard my Mom in my ear telling me to BE STRONG! That is something she tells me all the time when I act like a child...when you have kids you will need to be the strong one. So, that is what I did. I imagined holding my baby in my arms and before I knew it, it was done. They double checked the catheter to make sure they were out, and removed all the tools. They told me I had to lay there for 30 minutes and then I could get dressed and go right home for my 48 hours of bed rest. They allowed DH to come sit with me and the 30 minutes flew by!

So, since Thursday I don't really feel pregnant :0) I still can't believe they are in there and I keep willing them to "STICK" around. I have had some minor cramping and lots of gas and some discharge. Sorry, too much information!!! :0) LOL But, I was wondering if that was normal? I have so many questions...i.e. is transferring a blastocyst a better chance of this working? How long until they implant? When should I feel pregnant or not (fingers crossed that is not the case) I go for my 1st beta 7/6/09. I can't wait...I am dying to know if they have made a two tiny miracles.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Okay, so it's been a really hard couple of days. As per my previous post, I was waiting for a call back from the doctor's office to tell me what "strong" meant for my fertilized babies :0) They explained that the 5 were right where we wanted them to be cell count wise, but that they were not sure if I would transfer on tues (3dy) or Thurs (5dy). She said if I had had 10 eggs she would know certainly it would be a 5dt and if I only had 2 or 3 if would be a definite 3dt, but because I was on the cusp with 5 she was not sure and that she would call me at 7:30am Tuesday to tell me what to do. At exactly 7:25am she called to tell me that they had not grown as well as she was hoping and that the RE wanted me to come in and discuss our options. Oh, yeah did I tell you that I was completely freaking out and crying all day Monday?!?!?! It was so weird. I am not feeling negative, just over protective.

So, DH and I go to see the RE who tells us that he recommends waiting for the 5dt so that he can clearly pick out the strongest ones. Right now its just a crap shoot. As of Tuesday, we had 3 that were at 5 cell and 2 that were at 4 cell. They should have been at 6 and 8 they were a little behind. My Mom made me laugh cause she said that of course they were lazy, they were mine. And, she also joked that there is always drama surrounding everything we do, why wouldn't our kids be the same way! LOL That made me laugh. She is so funny. But, anyway, the RE said that that was his recommendation but we had to understand that the consequence could be that none would survive til Thursday. UGH!!! He gave us the option of being aggressive and putting all 5 in yesterday, or just 4 or just 3 or just 2, but said that he wouldn't be able to give us any sort of success rates or really any info because he just does not know. We decided after deliberation to wait til Thursday. So, we go tomorrow for the transfer at 10:15am. The RE told me that they will not look at them until Thursday morning so as to not stress them out anymore. So, we shall see what happens when we get there. This is insane!!! It is amazing to me how fragile life by day, hour by hour and minute by minute.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Retrieval Results!

I am sorry I haven't written sooner, but I wanted to have some information to provide. And I am sure all of you have been waiting patiently to hear my measly little story, but anyways, the RE retrieved 16 eggs on Saturday. I was thrilled to the gills as they originally said they saw anywhere between 6 and 15 and we got one more!!! :0) I just heard from the doctors office this morning with our case update and it is as follows:
16 Eggs to start
9 Matured
6 Fertilized
5 Strong as of this morning
They are not sure yet if they want to do a 3day transfer tomorrow or a 5day on Thursday. Right now I am tentatively scheduled to go tomorrow around 9am. The doctor will call me at 7:30am to tell me the consensus.

I am super thrilled but at the same time I am panicked! I am feeling this overwhelming motherly instinct and all I want to do is go to the office and cuddle them and tell them to be strong and hang in there and that Mommy and Daddy are waiting for them and praying for them. I want to get them in me so that I can protect them and nurture them. I know it must sound absolutely insane, but that is how I feel. I keep crying on and off because I can't believe this. I can't believe how fragile life is..minute by minute, hour by hour. I forgot to ask the doctor what "strong" meant for the remaining 5. I placed a call and left a message to hopefully get some grading numbers/cell counts. I will let you know as I know. So, here we go again...we wait!!!! I am freaking out now, I can only imagine how the 2ww will be.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Trigger Tonight!!

So, I just got the call after my b/w and u/s this morning and the nurse confirmed that I will do the trigger tonight at exactly 9pm! Whoo Hoo!!! I then go to the office in the morning, like normal, for just blood work and then I have to be at the office Saturday 6/20/09 at 8:15am for the retrieval. OMG!!!!!!!!! I can't believe this!!! It is so fitting to go on Saturday the 20Th (it's a lucky day for DH & I) we were married on May 20, 2005. This is so cool. We will be able to tell our children that they were conceived exactly 4 years and 1 month after we were married.

On a side note, the doctor was hysterical this morning. He was running behind, which is not common, so I was willing to wait without being all snotty. He finally came into the room with my absolute favorite nurse (I knew it was going to be a good day) and said, "Good Morning Melissa...alright then, SHOW ME THE EGGS! I don't want the money, I want to see the eggs!" We all laughed pretty hard. I really like him..he is too cute. Anyways, he said my lining was 12mm, and I think the largest follicle was 20x18. I am so excited for this. I hope that I am not in too much pain on Saturday after the ER. What was it like for you guys? The nurse warned that I would be pretty sleepy all day Saturday. Was that your experience? I am also a little concerned about the "cleansing" process. I am told I have to "cleanse" both Friday night and Saturday morning before. I have never done it before, so I am little nervous. Although, there really hasn't been a step in this whole process that I haven't been nervous about beforehand so I am sure it will be okay. HOLY CRAP....MY ER IS IN 2 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Countdown to the Retrieval!

So, this morning I went for u/s and b/w again!! I really look forward to going. I love finding out what's going on in there; although I really don't ask a lot of questions. I usually just listen to him (the RE) spewing out information to the nurse. Today was a tad different. The room I was in had a miniature ultrasound screen that faced me so I could see everything. It was sooo cool. I watched him measure the follicles and barely payed attention to how many he saw. I know it was at least 13. He also said that my lining was 11mm. Is that good? Can anyone tell me what it is supposed to be? How about the size of the follicles? Can anyone tell me what is ideal?

But, I digress. The doc says that I will be most likely doing my Ovidrel injection tomorrow or Friday night with a retrieval on Saturday morning. AHHHH!!!!!!!!! I am soooo freakin' excited. I still can't believe that DH and I are here at this moment. It seemed like we would never get here when we were first dealing with all this back in November. I am so THANKFUL to have him, and all of you at this time. Thank you all for being there for me and understanding. I will let you know what we find out tomorrow!! :0)

Monday, June 15, 2009


So, I have stopped my Lupron. My other medicines have not changed at all. I only have one bruise on my belly (so I am pretty damn happy so far). I am feeling really good. No more headaches or night sweats. I am close to feeling pretty normal...except for still being tired which seems like an everyday occurrence no matter how much sleep I get. This morning when I went for the u/s and b/w I heard the RE say that my lining was 10 1/2 and he was yelling out measurements of eggs but I unfortunately couldn't keep track. He told me that he is pretty sure he will have me do the ovulation shot in the next couple of days. My original protocol said 6/19 for retrieval, which we seem to be right on track for. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! :0) This is soooo amazing!!!! I can't wait. I go again in the morning for u/s and b/w we will see what he says.

On a side note...this weekend my best friend got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!! She has been waiting close to 6 years so this is pretty special. Now I am just hoping she doesn't pick a possible month next year that I could be pregnant!!! :0) I am really truly happy for her. This is awesome...and I can't wait to help with all the planning!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Much Better the 2nd Day!

Okay, so last night the shot went much better. I iced the area for about 30 seconds, numbing the site, and that really helped. DH did the shot and I chose not to look :0) That was perfect. My headache is barely existent today too, which makes me very happy. It is so funny what a difference 24 hours can make!! I am looking forward to tomorrow's b/w and u/s. I can't wait to see what is going on in there.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Stim Day One Results

Holy Cow!!! I did NOT like the new needle. It hurt and its pretty big!!! And, I had some stinging. I was not prepared for this round. I got it done, but then cried for what seemed like an hour. The pain did not last that long, mere seconds, but I was way over emotional about the whole thing. I iced my tummy and that felt better, but my tummy overall is feeling sore now. I was so emotionally drained that I feel asleep at 9:30pm last night and missed one of my favorite shows, "Rescue Me".

This morning I woke up feeling tired, as usual, to do my Lupron shot. I was calm about it because this needle is nothing, I can handle it. Well, apparently, my brain decided to freak out and I froze. I couldn't do it. I tried stabbing myself but it hurt and I stopped, causing some bleeding. I turned to DH and said, "I can't do it!" He grabbed the needle and stabbed me. It was all over. I tell you, I am really learning a lot about myself and my relationship with DH. I really need to work on not being such a baby! A good friend of mine told me to keep my eyes on the prize and just get through each shot one at a time. I am going to try and ice the area tonight before I give the shot (hopefully numbing it!). My tummy is starting to look like a pin cushion. :0) I don't know how all of us infertiles handle this...WE ARE PRETTY STRONG!!! My heart goes out to all of you who have done this or will do this. You truly don't understand until you are doing it yourself. I don't know where I would be without DH. He is truly a blessing.

Oh, one last thing, my only new symptom was a massive headache. I was dying today. I called the RE and was able to take Tylenol. They said it was due to the high levels of Estrogen and that the headaches will get better a little each day. YIPPEE!!! :0)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

1st Monitoring U/S & Bloodwork

Good Morning!!

So today I went for my first of the monitoring ultra sounds and blood work. It was pretty surreal being in a room full of infertiles. We were all looking around at each other; I am sure the same thoughts going through our brains, "I know what you are here for". There was one girl who seemed to talk to everyone. I think it was nervous chatter. She announced that she had had surgery in March ( fibroids and endo removed) and she just found out yesterday that she was pregnant. She was coming in for blood work. Yippee for you! You could see everyone, myself included, just stare at her, wanting to scream out, "You don't belong in the same room as us! Get out!" Sorry, I am feeling a little cranky today.

However, tonight is the night!! We start stimming! I am excited, although a close friend of mine said that I seemed very reserved for this part of it all. She had expected me to be a bit more excited. I don't really know how I feel. I am super excited, but I am very anxious. How are these new meds going to make me feel? Will all this needle poking be worth it?

Oh, I went to the psychic yesterday and she says that it won't work the first time. BOO!!! But, she does see me pregnant by September. Well, if it doesn't work the first time, I won't be pregnant in September because we won't have the $$ that quickly put aside to try again. I am hoping she was off by a couple of months. She also said that she saw me having 3 kids. Twins the first time (boy and a girl) and then just one boy the next time. Well, I am not really holding much stock in what she says, but we shall see. Gotta Go...time to get back to work!!!!! :0)

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Injection Teach

Sooooo excited!!!!! Yesterday DH and I had to go for the injection teach for the stims. It seems okay...a little overwhelming, but nothing we can't handle. The nurse did a brief lesson on the progesterone shots and that is what is scaring the HE*L out of me. What if DH hits the wrong area? Okay...I can't think about that now. One step at a time.

As we were listening to the instructions at the RE's office I felt all weepy. All I kept thinking was, "I can't believe we are at this step!" "This is really happening!" DH and I got in the car and I started bawling. I want this to work sooo badly. I read the blogs where some of you have BFN's and have been working for years to get pregnant and I feel so selfish because I just want this to work the first time out. No surprises. I hate not knowing if this will work or not. If I am like this now, so anxious, I can't even imagine how I'll be during the 2ww.

I made an appointment for Monday to go see a psychic. I have seen her in the past and she has been spot on. So, I just want to "check" in with her. The last time I was there she knew about DH's surgery and about the IVF, but she never mentioned my surgery. So, now its time to get an update from her and make sure that she still thinks it will "stick" the first time.

Tuesday 6/9/09 I lower my Lupron (THANK GOD!) , go for blood work and u/s in the morning and start the stims Tuesday night. Again, I CAN'T BELIEVE this is happening!!! Oh, please God make this work and give us the strength to get through this no matter what the results are.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Have Officially Lost It....

So, I don't know if its a week's worth of Lupron or my monthly visitor, but I have officially gone crazy. Yesterday at work I yelled at almost everyone. Luckily, most people at work know what's going on and just kinda dealt with it. I lost it big time on the phone with a pharmacy. My dad lost his job a few weeks ago and suffers from really bad asthma, and I believe has the start of emphysema. I am trying to find him the medicine that he needs at a cheap price and basically got screwed by this website. I ripped the supervisor a new one yesterday and everyone in my office just sat there with their jaws dropped as I am not normally so aggressive. Then I walked outside my office and just screamed and cried for about 10 minutes. Then, felt better.

I thought I was going to be okay and that it was just frustration over the jerk at the pharmacy, but when I got home I still was feeling cranky. I asked DH to bring home something for dinner as I did not feel like cooking. We couldn't make a decision and wound up screaming at each other on the phone over stupid dinner. We finally agreed on Burger King (I know...Super Healthy) and I asked him for a milkshake with my meal. All was fine at that point. DH gets home, I am starving as I really haven't eaten all day, and the burger he got me had some sort of crap on it. ( Side Note: I am extremely picky. I need everything to be PLAIN. I like a PLAIN cheeseburger, nothing but cheese and I always ask who ever picks it up to check..and DH knows to do this.) However, this time he failed to check it and I went ballistic. I refused to eat it and then just sat there crying for like half an hour. I couldn't stop. DH kept trying to console me and I couldn't make the tears stop. Finally, after I don't know how long, I felt better. I wound up having cereal for dinner and then kept laughing at how silly the whole incident had been. I called my Mom to say goodnight and then wound up crying to her all over again about how crazy this is. She was hysterical laughing, which in turn made me laugh, and I was good all over again. Holy Cow!!! This is insane!!!! But, totally worth it. That's all I keep repeating to myself.