Wednesday, April 29, 2009

It's Official....The Cycle Has Begun!!

So, I started the BCP's yesterday. YEAH!!!I don't know if it was the heat or the pill or what but I had a massive headache all day and felt very nauseous. So far today I have been feeling okay, but not great. Thankfully I don't have as bad a headache as yesterday. I find it oh so amusing to be taking BCP's and my prenatal vitamins at the same time. It's too funny. Anyways, I am extremely emotional this week too. I watched American Idol last night and actually cried during one of the performances. I think I am just overwhelmed and scared now that this is all happening. Don't get me wrong, I want this more than anything, but I am not looking forward to all the chemicals in my body and the nausea, etc. It is making me upset again. I am now getting pissed off that I have to go through all this when there are other non-infertiles out there that don't have to worry about any of it. Just boom...want to have a baby? Done! F-that!!!!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

T- Minus 3 Days til BCP's!

Okay, so we are a go!! I will start the BCP's on Tuesday. My next appt. is on May 26th (I believe that is when the Lupron will start). So, it's official....I now have a month to lose my extra weight. I am so excited, I can't believe its almost here. I want this to work so badly that I am finding it hard to think about anything else. I actually bought a Baby Names book. I know that it's kind of jumping the gun, but you have to think positively, right?? :0) I watched the movie Baby Mama last night, it just happened to be on when I was channel surfing, and I couldn't turn it off. I had seen it before, but way before all the IF stuff surfaced, and I cried. I think it was a release of my anxiety, excitement and hope all rolled into one. DH was just snoring away next to me. :0)

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Whoo Hooo! I was beginning to think that she was not going to show, but it appears that I had my dates wrong (I was early last month due to the surgery) and she has come right on time. I was with a consulting company today at work...all wasn't able to call the RE but, in all fairness she didn't show herself until late in the day. So, here we go!!! The first step with this cycle. I will call the nurse in the morning and find out when to start BCPs. I am sooooo excited. I was beginning to think that I was going to be all screwed up and be left behind.

I wanted to write a bit about in-laws. Can't live with them, can't live without them. My in-laws can be so weird. My mil is not talking to DH because we missed a mass on Sunday in honor of his late uncle who passed in Feb because...umm....NO ONE TOLD US!!!!!!!!!! My DH was even with his mom on Sat and she made no mention. She has been giving him the silent treatment all week (we didn't know why) and only today, when he called her out on it, she told him she was mad that we didn't come on Sunday and or call to say we weren't coming. Are you kidding me? How the hell were we supposed to know??? Get out our magic crystal balls?? I am so fed up with the lack of communication with that side of the family that I want to explode. But, what can you do, right? LOL... we could just change our numbers and move out of town. But, unfortunately that won't solve anything. We will just continue to be the outcasts of the family, which sadly I believe happened the day we were married.

Side Note: I am on Day 17 smoke free.....Thank you Mr. Nicotine are a godsend!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Spring Day...FINALLY!

I haven't written in awhile as there is not too much going on. On the IF front I am just waiting for AF to come so I can start my BCP's. Never thought I would say those words..."Wishing and waiting for my AF!"
On another topic, my DH totalled his car last Saturday. We had lots of rain and he was heading to work in the city (NYC). He hydroplaned on the parkway and went head on with the guardrail four lanes of traffic over. Thankfully, he is fine and no one else was involved, but sadly his car did not make it. So, now we need to buy a new car. I have a company car which we have already thought we would need to replace if I get to stay home with the baby/babies and that he would just need a commuter car (to get to and from the bus station) but now we figure that with economy what it is and the deals that are out there that we would buy a new "family" SUV and buy the commuter car next year. Any suggestions?? We are not thrilled with having to put out more $$ right now, but really, what choice do we have?
We also are really looking forward to this weekend as we are going to see Kenny Chesney in concert. We are driving up to Moeghan Sun in CT to the Saturday show. We were going to stay over but need to save $ somewhere. It should be fun. We have never been there and we are meeting two of our friends up there for dinner, some gambling and the show. This is the first weekend in a long time that DH and I will be together for 3 straight days. YEAH!!!
And, finally, wow I guess I really had alot to share, I am very concerned about my friend E. She just recently had a baby (I talked of visiting her in my previous post) and, well her and her DH are really having a rough time. They are arguing all the time and she is even thinking that maybe she should get a divorce. I know that part of it is the stress of a new baby and money issues but I really don't know what to say to her. Any ideas on how I might be able to help? I love her lots and just want her to be happy.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

May/June Cycle it is!!!

I am so excited I can't begin to tell you! I went for my post-op appt yesterday and everything looked great. The RE laughed at me because there was still "glue" left on 2 out of 3 incision sites. I couldn't help it..I was too afraid to pick it off. All I could imagine was big gaping holes with blood pouring out. LOL I am such a spaz sometimes. But, anyway, my Mom went with me (she is so excited about all of this too) and he then asked me when I last had a visit from AF. He then told me to call when my next period starts and the nurse will tell me when to start the BCP's (which should be around 4/20). The nurse wrote me out the prescription and told me the exact same thing to call on CD1 and then she will tell me when to fill the script. OMG! I was flying at that point. Then he tells me to see the billing lady (I was dreading this part) but in the mean time the other nurse is writing down all of my dates for me. So, the dates are as follows:

-Start the BCP's with next period
-Lupron starts 5/26 or 5/28
-Stim Day 1 : 6/9
-Retrieval- 6/25
-5 day transfer 6/30

Mom and I are then whisked off to talk $$$. It was about what I anticipated, but of course discussing it now it becomes real. She tells me because we are paying out of pocket and the economy is such a mess that she will talk to the doctor and see what they can do for us. They might be able to the lower the numbers some. Thank God! We will take whatever we can get. Just before leaving the doctor grabs me and asks if I have stopped smoking. I said sort of and that I was going to start the gum right away. He tells me to do whatever I have to..pills, gum, patch, shots it doesn't matter just no more cigarettes. So, after deliberating with Mom I decided to go on the patch. Today is day one and so far its not bad. I have had all of 2 cravings which I was able to deal with through hard candy and water. I feel extremely motivated now. :0)

Last night after all of my errands my friend J and I went to visit one of our friends who just recently had a baby (early March)..a little boy. It was so nice to be with the girls and talk about all kinds of things. Both of these really close friends know my situation and it is so nice to have a great support system. And, holding the new born really made me excited for the future. All I kept thinking as I looked down at this tiny beautiful and most adorable miracle was..."I want one!"

Friday, April 3, 2009

Rainy Day...

Sadly, there is not too much going on. I have an appt on Monday (Post-Op) with my RE and I am really looking forward to it. I am hoping that he will give me the start date for my BCP's. YEAH!! I just really want to get going now. However, my firm belief that everything happens for a reason is certainly showing to be true as I have been cheating with my non-smoking. BOO!!!Obviously someone/something up there is trying to help me cut this before we start. I feel like such an a*s because I want to be as healthy as possible for a successful IVF cycle and with spending all that $$ but the stupid nicotine just won't leave me alone. I spoke to DH about it last night and decided that I am going to start using the gum. I am okay with this. I do not feel like a weak person; I had just really wanted to do it without anything but its okay. I also made a decision to start working out again. I have definitely put on some pounds since the start of our IF journey. I am not overweight (at least I don't think *smile*) But, I figure becoming a bit more tone would be helpful overall. I also saw that acupuncture can be helpful in a successful cycle...has anyone done this and if so did you think it worked and did it hurt? :0)