So, my DH and I went to meet with our RE yesterday. What an emotional roller coaster that was. He was awesome. I really do like the doctor and have high hopes that he will be our savior. However, he killed me yesterday. After sitting and talking and "getting to know us" he decided that he wanted DH to give a specimen and he wanted to examine me. No problem, although DH really hates doing it into a cup...but I say deal with it! He tells us that if they find sperm after looking a certain way they will freeze it right away that day. I couldn't believe it..that day. He then continues to tell us of a couple who had just been in last week and the DH was diagnosed with azoospermia also and he found sperm that same day and all is well. Well, boy did that bring me way up in hopes that we could be just as lucky. He told us that he would call us later that night to tell us the verdict and sent us off with scripts for more bloodwork.
After attempting some Christmas shopping, which I don't even care about, we were home waiting and waiting and waiting for the phone to ring. Finally around 6:30 pm he called...no sperm. Well, hello!!!??? Didn't we tell you that???!!!! I was sooooo upset. And there I was falling down the roller coaster. I guess I was praying that he was going to solve everything in the 1 1/2 hr session we were there...NOT! My mom keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay and I just don't know. Of course she is just as heartbroken but she keeps telling me that God is trying to teach me patience. Please! I can't stand this. I feel miserable almost all the time. I am isolating myself from people and I fell so self-involved that I don't care about Christmas..my favorite holiday of the year. Will this go away? How do I calm myself down? I also think that I am starting to have panic attacks. Oh man, I must sound crazy. I am done babbling for now. Will post soon!
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Hi there,
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Wow, I have been exactly where you are, so I completely understand your pain and frustration and numbness. I'm really glad that you are starting a blog and reaching out to other people in your situation - it helps so much to know you are NOT alone! There are so many resources and caring ladies here in blog-land.
I guess if I have any initial advice is to just work with your doctor and take it one step at a time. It can be really overwhelming to think of everything and all the options at once. Instead, if you can focus on each step in the process, that might help. Your doctor will probably recommend a biopsy as the next step, to see if maybe the sperm just aren't making it out. The next steps after that would be blood testing to see if hormones are correct, and maybe some genetic testing. There are SO many ways to move forward, and you guys can get through this.
Please keep the lines of communication open between you two. Male factor is really different, because some men are ashamed and embarrassed about it. I used to not want to feel sad/upset in front of my husband, because he would feel guilty. We had to work through all of that.
Definitely check out the other blogs on my page; most are ladies dealing with male factor. They will give you so much hope...take us for example. We had ZERO sperm being produced, and now we have some. Oh, and it would be great if you can find a specialist for your husband (urology), I'm not sure what part of the country you live in.
OK, don't want to hijack your blog, but if you want to email me, you can at itsazooaroundhere at gmail dot com. Take care, I'll be reading along!
welcome to the blogsphere.
It is frustrating, and exciting, and as you said a roller coaster ride when you join the ranks.
I HATE initial visits with the RE (I have been through 2). They all offer hope of what can happen--when I wish they would say "LOOK here is the deal" Lets cut to the chase.
Despite that, they do offer good plans, and walk step by step through the journey which I do hope offers a pleasant outcome for you.
We're taking another road (or at least we think we are) and I don't know that my personal difficulties are of much use to you - but what I do want to say is that you are not alone. (and if you're not alone, i am not either :) although i'd rather not have company).
no words of wisdom, but wishes that you find peace wherever this takes you.
Just found your blog through Lost and Found. I would HIGHLY recommend finding an RE that specializes in male factor AND a urologist that has experience with azoo.
I am the wife of someone with azoospermia. I am also the mother of a 9 month old little boy via donor sperm. Azoospermia is devastating, but it doesn't have to be the end of things. It is a hard road to wonder. My blog is private now (and has currently taken a strange course that has nothing to do with azoo), but would welcome you if you are interested in reading. We received our diagnosis in November 06 if you want to see the archives. E-mail me at
somewhatordinary at gmail dot com
if you would like to be added!
Hi there...welcome to the blogosphere. We aren't dealing with azospermia...but we do have severe MFI. I do know those initial few weeks after getting the diagnosis were the hardest and darkest times for me. All I can tell you is you have come to the right spot. There is always someone else out there to offer their experience and understanding...
Hang in there.
Welcome to IF blogging. These ladies (and some gents) are very supportive.
I can't decide what's worse: the beginning when everything is new, or later when you are jaded and even good news seems like bad news?
hang in there!
Welcome to the blog world! I found your blog through Lost & Found....I'm pretty new to all of this too -- I totally understand the crazy emotions and fear. We have severe MFI. GL!!
makingmemom.blogspot.com
Hi, just wanted to welcome you to the blogosphere. Looking forward to following you on your journey.
Welcome to the ALI community. I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's a rough journey, but it helps to read other blogs of people going through the same thing. I'm the clicker for Lost and Found's azoospermia category.
good luck!
Leslee
babyattheend blogspot
Hi! I just found your blog through ICLW (and the comment you left on my blog). Welcome to the blogsphere! My DH (known as E) has anejaculation and repercussions from torsion of the testicle that he had as a teenager.
I remember after our diagnosis last spring it was some of the darkest days for me and some of the hardest days in our marriage. We have slowly recovered and now we are saving up for our next step.
I wish you the very best in your journey.
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