Wintery Day

So today weather wise is awful! It was snowing and now its icy rain and snow on and off. I am at work just wishing to be home under the covers, cozy with my doggie, reading more of "Eclipse" Book 3 in the Twilight series. I also have 5 dozen cookies to make for our work cookie swap on Monday; not to mention the cookies for the family for Christmas. Way too much to do..really don't want to be at work. My lack of concentration is outrageous. I can't get anything done.

So, today my biggest issue is with my so-called BFF ...let's call her J. A little background info. She will be turning 30 in '09 and is the only one in our group to not be married, engaged, thinking of babies, anything. She just bought a house about 2 minutes from me and DH which is great. However, she made this decision after breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 years after living together for the 2nd time. He told her that he has no plans on marrying her and that he had cheated on her. All she wants to do is get married. She wants to be where we all are and thinks that her life is going to be over at 3o if she is not. Amazingly, they are back together after a 2 month period off and seem happier than ever. She is holding on to the dream that he will one day propose. I hope so for her sake...but who knows.

Anyway, back to the reason she is my main focus today, she does not seem to care at all about the azoo and what we are going through. I know that she is just jealous about everything, but my thought is that no matter how you feel, if you are a BF you would try and be there for the other person. I get nothing. As a matter of fact, before we found out about the azoo I had stopped smoking ( unfortunately after 6 weeks free I went back due to stress..not an excuse, I know but at least something I feel in control of at the moment) because we were going to actively start trying. She got pissed with me. Told me that we couldn't be friends if I got pregnant. It would kill her. Then when we got the diagnosis, I can't help but think that a small part of her was happy. I know that that is an awful thought, but lets look at the track record. Anyway, we also work together so I see her just about everyday and I am starting to feel that we are growing apart. I hate that because I do love her and I will need her support, but I can't deal with this. She never asks what is going on or how I feel..nothing. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to lose her and no matter where I was in life (getting married) and she wasn't we were able to get through it. This time its different. I want her to be apart of our babies lives (finger crossed) and I can't help but think that she won't. Should I talk to her about it? Or just let her deal with her own feelings and maybe she will come around.