Why Do People Always Ask??

So, DH and I had to go to the lawyers office today (we are refinancing our mortgage) its a much better rate and we will save about $400/month. And as you all know, any money saved now is great. We sit down, he is an awesome older man. He is very sweet and kind and made us feel at home. And, of course one of his first questions is, "So, do you two have a family?" Before we can answer he is telling us that he has 5 children and 11 grandchildren. One of his grandbabies is upstairs home sick from school. DH and I look at each across the table and DH responds with, "We are working on it" I was so proud of him for answering, because I couldn't. And the more I thought about it, the more I got upset. I mean are DH and I not a family? Why does it have to include kids? That shouldn't define "our family", you know? It just begs the question, "Why do people always ask?" "Why do they have to be so nosy?" Now, I know its just bothering me due to the circumstances and I am sure that when we do get pregnant I will be more than happy to share all the details, but for right now it just sucks!!

DH and I also watch ER. And, its pretty cool because the head of the ER (who is over 40) was trying IVF to get pregnant. So, they were showing her taking shots and all of her mood swings. They just showed her E/R last week and she only had 4 follicles. And, unfortunately none of them were good. But, I was pretty psyched to see infertility getting some air time. My DH however was not psyched to see the mood swings and while laughing made some comment along the lines of "I don't think we are going to make it through that!" Lovingly said of course!

Awesome Girls Night Out

I just wanted to say Thank You to all who wished me a healthy return to life. It appears that it must of been a 24 hr gig, because I was back to work on Friday. Feeling better, but not great. I am happy however to announce that I am all better now!

Last night I went out with three of my friends from my DH and I's old neighborhood. We used to live in a townhouse (and we were in a cul-de-sac). We knew all of our neighbors and became really close with a few of them. When we moved into a house about 3 towns over, we were all sad but decided to have girls night out at least once a month and we all get together (guys included) as often as we can. So, last night was ladies night (dinner and drinks--Thank God!). We all have our fair share of stuff going on. One of them is a single mom dealing with a psycho ex (really, like he was in an institution and stuff) who can't seem to get pass the divorce. One who is wanting to divorce her husband, but when she told him he decided he wanted to work things out for the sake of their little girl. Of course he was super nice and changed for all of a month until he went back to his old ways. She can't have him move out yet as she is getting money in order, but it will be over soon enough. And finally the last one has a pretty decent life; husband, 2 kids, happy life except the $$ is pretty bad right now. Like I said everyone has their own demon. And of course there is me, whose DH has azoo. (although they were not aware until last night).

When I arrived at the restaurant, first one there, which is a big step I am usually always late, I am the only one there. Low and behold within minutes they arrive and the first one says, "So, anything cooking under that coat??" You know bun in the oven! Oh ha ha I say...no no...that is a story for when we sit down. I waited for awhile thru dinner before making my announcement. They were so sympathic and it turns out that the one with the 2 kids, happy life but $$ problems, had a/i to have her son. I couldn't believe it. It was so great to talk to someone who had been thru this and who understood IRL that is. So, although they were a little mad I hadn't told them sooner, they understood and were awesome. I was pretty excited. So, even though I did most of the talking it was a really good night with the ladies. And, of course they all want a phone call after the surgery. Still can't believe its coming so soon. I am getting a little scared. But, thats a post for another day.

Sick Day

So, today I am home for a sick day. I woke up with some very bad "digestive" issues. I am feeling better, but definitely feel like someone opened up my insides and told me that everything needs to get out! lol Sorry if that is too much information. I don't really have anything going on except that the hospital called today to do preadmission paperwork for DH for upcoming surgery. I am sooo excited its less than 2wks away until we find out our fate. I am going to my therapist tonight (if I can lure myself out of my pjs) so that should be good. I always feel so much better after my sessions with him. I am loving ICLW week!! Thank you to all that have commented and decided to read along with my journey. I look forward to getting to know all of you better and hope that I can be inspiration for as many as have been to me thus far.

Couldn't help it...I was bored at work....(Thanks Jendeis)

Simply copy the list and cross out the ones you have done. (Because I am slow and couldn't figure out how to "cross them out" I decided to make bold the ones I have done!)

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang/played a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (assuming that New Jersey counts)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (if snorkeling in your own pool counts!)
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House (I am counting being on the outside as a visit)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Made a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Its Official Feb 4 is the new D-Day!

So, as per my previous post, it is now official. My DH is going for the MESA on Feb 4th. We are both very excited. Can't wait to hear the results. Now it's just a matter of figuring out finances. We were both very much aware that this entire adventure was going to cost a fortune, but I don't think my DH was really prepared. He almost had a coronary when we got the Insurance info sorted and figured out what would be out of pocket. And, that's just for him and this procedure not the possible IVF with ICSI. It's okay though, it just means that we won't be able to put the pool in this year :0) Or the next :0)

Looking like Feb 4Th is the new D-Day...

Okay, so we have DH's MESA scheduled for tentatively Feb 4. That is of course assuming that the person from the RE's office is available that day. I am really excited. Please let this be it. You know? I feel like saying please just give us a little bit. Kinda funny but I went to a psychic/medium yesterday. I know, we should be saving $ and I go and spend $50 on some lady but I'll tell you it was awesome. She said that she saw me and DH having a baby the non-conventional way and that she saw surgery occurring within the next 3 weeks. I know weird right?She also told me that it would "stick the first time" and asked me if I knew what that meant? Too funny. I know that some believe its malarkey and sometimes I do too. But, hell I'll take any type of positiveness in my life I can get. Oh and did I mention she saw two girls! My DH will love that if it comes true. Don't get me wrong he will be thrilled no matter what it is as long as its his, but he really really wants a boy. He really doesn't want to deal with the dating issue with girls. But, oh well, if its meant to be that's it. :0)

Meeting with the Urologist

Okay, so yesterday we met with the wonderful doc who will be performing DH's necessary procedure. It turns out though that he does not agree with starting with TESE and says that he is 85% positive we will find the little swimmers by just doing MESA. YEAH!!!!!!!! Here we go again we are treading up the roller coaster. Click. Click. Click. We are waiting to hear from his office today to schedule the procedure. It looks like it will be done either the last week in January or first week in February. Maybe we will home together for a few days around the Superbowl that would be sweet! :0) Anyways we are both feeling really good about all of this. I just have to keep praying and crossing my fingers and toes. What if any were anyone's experience with MESA? Did it prove successful? Was it a waste of time?

Decided to do TESE

So, after deliberating for a small amount of time we decided it was a good idea. There was no reason not to try it according to DH. So, he calls the urologist to set up a consult and I still can't believe it but we are actually going TODAY!!!!! I am very excited. The doc is apparently going away next week and had an opening. Hopefully, things will continue to run this smoothly! :0)

The results are in...

So, I have been waiting patiently to get the results of mine and DH's bloodwork from the RE and I finally talked to him this morning. It turns out that even though we were hoping for a positive CF it was not. Apparently, all of our hormones are normal. YUCK! See now that it is positive the RE is sure that DH has NOA. YEAH!!!! (Trying to be sarcastic in hopes to not cry). Our next option is TESE, if we choose and of course DS and adoption. Not exactly what I wanted to hear to start of the New Year right, but I guess there is still hope right? I had to call DH at work to tell him the news...he sounded awful. I have been so depressed the last week or so and this just seems to put the icing on the cake. What can anyone tell me about TESE? Is it worth it? The doctor told me there is something like a 20-30% chance of finding sperm. What the h. e. double hocky sticks do we do now? And, how do I keep DH feeling okay when I too feel like the world is crumbling down around us?