So, DH and I had to go to the lawyers office today (we are refinancing our mortgage) its a much better rate and we will save about $400/month. And as you all know, any money saved now is great. We sit down, he is an awesome older man. He is very sweet and kind and made us feel at home. And, of course one of his first questions is, "So, do you two have a family?" Before we can answer he is telling us that he has 5 children and 11 grandchildren. One of his grandbabies is upstairs home sick from school. DH and I look at each across the table and DH responds with, "We are working on it" I was so proud of him for answering, because I couldn't. And the more I thought about it, the more I got upset. I mean are DH and I not a family? Why does it have to include kids? That shouldn't define "our family", you know? It just begs the question, "Why do people always ask?" "Why do they have to be so nosy?" Now, I know its just bothering me due to the circumstances and I am sure that when we do get pregnant I will be more than happy to share all the details, but for right now it just sucks!!
DH and I also watch ER. And, its pretty cool because the head of the ER (who is over 40) was trying IVF to get pregnant. So, they were showing her taking shots and all of her mood swings. They just showed her E/R last week and she only had 4 follicles. And, unfortunately none of them were good. But, I was pretty psyched to see infertility getting some air time. My DH however was not psyched to see the mood swings and while laughing made some comment along the lines of "I don't think we are going to make it through that!" Lovingly said of course!
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Because some people do not get it. Friends of ours who knew that we were going to have problems before we were married gave us a frame for a wedding gift that said 'family' they put in their favorite pictures of us. I look at it and remind myself that E and I are a family.
When you get those questions, wiggle your toes before answering. I have learned that it has saved me from a ton of tears.
It just comes out of the blue sometimes, doesn't it? Why should you be expecting that question at that meeting about finances? Thanks for the comment on my blog. Much appreciated. ICLW
I hate that question! We should make up a placard to carry that says "mind your own freaking business!!" and then we can just flash it at people. Or, I always wished I was brave enough to just state the truth and make the questioner feel awful.
"Nope, he's sterile! Now, about that re-fi..."
That would shut them up, for sure. I love Liddy's comment about the picture frame. Me and my husband ARE my family. For now, at least :)
It is always a bit of a shock to get that question. I *usually* don't mind it, but it definitely depends on the person and the situation. Your story sounds like a completely random situation, ugh!
I had someone ask me recently too-- an 8 month pregnant former coworker, who quit when she got pregnant. I hate it. I get it a lot, working with kids and all.
I also saw ER and have been interested in the IVF story line. I'll be curious to see where it goes from here.
We met with our lawyer last week and were asked the same thing, DH responded the same as your's.
It's nice to know that IF gets some realistic and positive coverage. MOst of the time it's negative and completely wrong.
ICLW
Ugh, I hated the "when are you having kids" question. Especially when going through IVF. It was like a stab in the heart.
It used to drive me crazy when we went to our local grocery store and we got asked if we had any kids all the time? I think people need to be better informed about infertility! Ugg!
Good luck and I am so glad you are saving some money on your mortgage!
Take care
Yeah, that question sucks! I always planned to say something smart as a reply, but usually I just mumbled something vague. *ICLW#39*
Congrats on the better mortgage.
I have also been LOVING the ER storyline.
ICLW
Thanks for stopping by my blog! Sorry it's taken me so long to visit you back!
I also hate it when people ask - for the most part I think it's just an easy way for them to try and make small talk, just something to say. It sucks that it hurts so much for us though...
Our standard comment is also 'we're working on it!' :)
I'm thinking of you as your MESA date approaches! I'll definitely be back to find out how everything is going...
The comments like those are so frustrating and they seem to sneak up on you when you least expect it.
I'm not sure if I've ever commented on your blog or not and I've been going back reading some of your posts. My husband and I found out pretty much exactly 2 years before you that he had azoospermia (Nov. 06). We ended up going the donor route and now have a 10 month old son. My blog went private after I got pregnant, but if you are interested you can e-mail me at somewhatordinary@gmail.com.
You can go back to those months after we found out to see that your aren't alone. Reading your posts have brought back so many memories because I wrote some very similar posts.
Best wishes and I look forward to following your journey!
Arg! I hate this question.
My hubby and I went to sign up for a gym membership last month, and the guy behind the counter asked us three times if we have kids. Then he went on to tell me about prenatal yoga. What a tool.
please visit my site
http://azoospermiacure.webs.com/
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