I wanted just to post an update on my life. Today is Day 7 of the no smoking (quit cold turkey) process. I am doing quite well with it. I had a bad time over this past weekend, but successfully made it through. It is so ridiculous how they take over your life. I swear if I could go back in time and never start I would. Now, granted I haven't had any alcohol, but I decided that I would have to give up both anyway to have a baby so better to start now rather than later. I have no news with IF stuff except that my surgery is still on track for March 20. I am super excited. I just want to get it going.
I have been very hormonal lately too. I don't know if its the stress of over-thinking everything, but I find myself getting very angry at DH way too often. I do apologize after the fact but I feel like I am almost a ticking time bomb...one false move or sentence and I may explode! He came home late the other night from work and I told him that if he didn't start coming home sooner I wouldn't have his children. I know, I don't know where it came from. I just had all these visions of me by myself until 8pm or later with the baby/babies with him off at work. Then I was yelling at him that although we are even now with surgeries (or will be soon) that I still had the raw end of the deal with having to do the shots and ER and ET and then the actually pregnancy. And, trust me I am not complaining because I want NOTHING more than to become a mom, but it just feels like sometimes I am going at this alone. I feel like such a horrible person to even feel this way, but I am scared and anxious and still feeling the grief I suppose of our IF. Will it ever go away? I guess I just needed to vent. I am going to my therapist tonight, maybe he can help me relax. Although, I feel like I keep telling him this all the time and he gives me suggestions and I still fall off the emotional band wagon.
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13 comments:
I totally know how you feel. My DH and I quit smoking the last week in 2008. It was hard! I totally agree with you though- if I could go back in time I never would have started either. I am not off the alcohol wagon though...my RE specifically told me that was okay, until we got to the ER. WOO HOOO!!!(this was after I told him my worst fear about the whole stims process was the fact I couldn't drink any wine!! HA HA HA)
I am STILL moody at times, and it is totally normal. I still find myself craving cigs...but it will go away. The other day I realized days had gone by without even THINKING about them...of course other days I go through a pack of gum a day. I just think "Healthy baby, healthy baby, baby, baby.....um, you get the picture"
GOOD LUCK and Congrats on one week tobacco free!!
Hon, you are doing so great!! Remember to cut yourself some slack - you are going through two very stressful times with quitting cigarettes and IF. It might be helpful if you told your husband about your worries when you are in a calm place and encouraged him to do the same.
Congratulations on 7 days!!
I hope as the nicotine continues to leave your system that the hormonal part gets better.
You're doing great! Keep it up!
Great job on seven days of no smoking!! I'm really impressed. Hang in there!
It's totally normal to feel a zillion emotions at once. My DH and I were just having this conversation last night - the one about how it isn't fair that I have to endure all of this. But, you know what? They have to endure us on hormones, so...it's not even, but depending on the rampage I'm on, it gets pretty damn close.
Hang in there and don't beat yourself up for what you feel. Allow yourself to feel it and then let it move through you and off you. Congratulations on quitting smoking - that probably isn't helping the edginess either.
Oh yeah, you have an award at my blog. :)
Um, I've never smoked, but I can imagine that your quitting might have something to do with the extra emotions flying around. I imagine that smoking was an emotional outlet for you and that it served as a stress reliever (at least at times). It's gone now, but you've still got the emotions and the stress. I wonder if your therapist has any practical suggestions for moment to moment things you can do to deal with stress and comfort yourself?
You are going through so much right now. Of course things are feeling so crazy. Congratulations on one very hard week down!
Whoo-hoo!! 7 days is awesome! Congrats!
Congrats on 7 days quitting smoking!
Keep up the good work! Going through IF and giving up smoking at the same time must be tough. You should be really proud of your efforts! I'm thinking the longer you are off the cigs the better your moods will become. I spent most of my childhood watching my Dad try to give up and the nicotine withdrawls play havoc with his moods. Your mind and body is going through alot right now! It will be worth it, hang in there :)
Just want to say GOOD JOB on the no smoking. I smoked for 10 years...and quitting was honestly THE hardest thing I ever did. (well, except trying to get pregnant) Way to go! It gets easier...but it is hard.
7 days without smoking is great, you'll get there. The stress of IF and quitting smoking are enough to make anyone crazy.
I started doing IF meditation cd's to help with my craziness and they do relax me. If you want me to burn you a copy let me know.
Good luck with the quitting smoking. I can't imagine trying to do that and navigate through fertility issues.
Take care and good luck
Day 7 is quite the milestone....I smoked for ten years...and like you I was old enough to know better when I started. I still miss it, but I haven't smoked in five years. Even though I still miss it, if I try and have even a puff now, I get super grossed out and feel kind of sick.....
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